Bike Guy

In homage to Darth, Inkeddaisy and Jane D'oh, et al., I give you ten things you may NOT know about me. Of course this implies that you may INDEED know these things about me, in which case I apologize in advance for the boring read. Life's a bitch and then you die...

1) When riding a motorcycle I do not drink. Not a single beer, not a glass of wine, nada. Eight hours from bottle to throttle is my minimum.

Sadly, this was not always the case. Coming back from closing down my favorite bar, riding drunk in the rain, I nearly got waffled by a car that ran a red light. For some reason I backed off the throttle before entering the intersection; instead of hitting me, the car t-boned another next to me. There but for the grace of God go I.

It's amazing that any of us survive our college years.

2) I have "driver's intuition", that little voice inside your head that tells you to "slow the fuck down - NOW". This has saved my ass more times than I care to think about.

Please note that while a "little voice inside your head" can be a good thing, "Voices" inside your head are very, very bad. Especially if they tell you to do harm to yourself or others. Or vote for George Bush.

3) I have never in my life gone ice skating. Not once.

4) I have an uncanny ability to look at any car on the road in the United States and immediately identify Make, Model and approximate Year. This, in no way, shape, or form is a marketable skill.

5) I can spell words extremely fast; nearly as fast as I speak. Again, an utterly useless skill unless I'm trying to say something I don't want the dog to understand. Fortunately for me, he's not much of a speller. He is learning, though...

6) I am fanatical about most things automobile related. I change my own oil, own seperate wheels and tires for winter and summer on all cars and cannot have others work on my vehicles without double checking their work. Which, incidently, is never done to my satisfaction.

Sweet mother of God, does no one own a torque wrench anymore?

7) I believe that gun control is the ability to hit your target. I grew up with guns, and am equally comfortable with a handgun, shotgun or rifle. I believe that kids should be taught from an early age to respect guns, not fear them.

Ironically, I am not a hunter. But I do make a kickass venison chili.

8) I have voted in every presidential election since 1984. I have never registered as a Democrat or a Republican, but have voted more Republican than Democatic in my life. I assure you, that won't be happening on November 2.

9) I have had some damn strange things happen to me in life. Things that prove that God is indeed alive, and that he's got one hell of a sense of humor.

10) I've been married to my best friend for over fifteen years now. She is the first and only person I can say I'd take a bullet for. What she sees in me, I have no fucking idea.

And, just because you've read this far, I'm throwing in a bonus number 11 (satisfaction guaranteed or your money back):

11) I have absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. I cannot sing, harmonize or even remotely carry a tune. I've tried to play the guitar, trumpet, piano, recorder and harmonica, all with equal degrees of failure. In fact, I'm fairly confident that I could earn a good living having people pay me to NOT sing.