Bike Guy

to make the world a better place with very little impact on our day-to-day lives, wouldn't we do it? If each of us knew how to make the world more liveable with absolutely no personal sacrifice, who among us wouldn't act on this?

Well, boys and girls, there IS something you can do to make this world more liveable. It won't cost you any money, you don't need to join any clubs and absolutely no salespeople are standing by to take your information. This one little thing will lower blood pressure, promote happiness and tranquility, and potentially add years to your lives. For women, it will reduce symptoms of PMS, enlarge your breast size and take an inch or so off your hips. Men, you will increase the length and girth of your manhood - overnight. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!

So what, exactly, am I rambling on about? What can we all do to gain this state of enlightened happiness? Simple - learn the following mantra. Know it, embrace it, chant it - but most of all, practice it. The mantra? "Keep right, pass left".

OK, you try it now. I'll wait...

See? "Keep right, pass left" just kind of rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

Now, how exactly will this make the world a better place? Well for starters, it's about being aware of your fellow citizens and it's equally about common courtesy. Why do so many road rage incidents occur in the US? Simple - one driver does something to piss another one off. It doesn't matter how fast you drive, there are always those who choose to drive faster. Unless you're a member of the law enforcement community, it's not your job to set the travel speed in the left lane. The left lane, on any divided highway, is the PASSING lane. The right lane(s) are the travel lanes. Hence, you should drive (aka travel) in the center lane or right lane, and use the left lane to pass slower traffic.

The left lane should NOT be used to slow down traffic while you engage in cell phone conversation with your mother, broker, analyst or parole officer. It should not be used while you simultaneously drive and eat , apply makeup or pick your nose and eat it (don't think those around you can't see this, either). The left lane is for PASSING slower traffic; when you have done this, the proper thing to do is merge into the right (or center) TRAVEL lane. Now, what's the mantra again? "Keep right, pass left".

Why do I have such a stick up my ass about this today? Because I very nearly got waffled on Monday on account of a driver hogging the left lane. A car closed on the one blocking traffic and swerved into my lane - without bothering to see if the lane was occupied. Only good reflexes and the ability to threshold brake prevented me from a very nasty impact in heavy traffic at around 70 MPH. Had the women in question not been blocking the left lane (where she'd been for around 10 miles), the whole incident would never have occured.

We've become a "fuck you" society where civility and manners no longer exist. We do things in our four-wheeled armored cages that we would NEVER do to others face to face. We curse other drivers, flip them off, tailgate, cut them off and generally endanger their well being. When was the last time you walked up to a stanger on the street, flipped them off and arrogantly stepped in front of them? Now, how often have you done a similar thing while driving. See what I mean?

"Keep right, pass left" begins to take on a higher meaning when you ponder these other aggressive behaviors. It comes down to this - show your other drivers a little courtesy and a little respect, and don't be surprised when they do the same to you. What do you have to lose, except a longer, thicker penis, a few inches on your hips and a longer, happier life?